Christmas T-Shirts Help Save My Holiday
The year is leaving us, my friends. The end is in sight as the months barrel past in a blur. The weather changes, you dress up for Halloween, and before you know it…someone is smiling broadly and saying something ridiculous like “Tis The Season!”
Tis the season? Never has a term that was intended to inspire joy and holiday cheer had such a reverse affect! Just the idea of shopping and spending too much money while I’m drunk on eggnog gives me a phantom hangover of regret. It doesn’t matter that I do it every year. I’m not about to start learning from my mistakes now. I’ve made it through this alive and without any major scars so far, so why try to be smart now?
The few lessons I have learned through the years have been pretty important ones, though. For instance, I know through many past instances that it’s a good idea to have my sponsor’s number from Alcoholics Anonymous handy during the Holiday season. I’ve also learned that shopping amongst the teeming hoard of germ-breeders is for people who enjoy throwing up and coughing for a solid month straight. I do about 90% of my Christmas shopping on the Web now, and much of that is for Christmas t-shirts to satiate the insane cat-lady brood that I’m related to.
I cannot relate to the women in my family at all. This is because I am not a crazy person. All of my sisters, aunts, cousins, and my mother belong in a safe place with an unlimited supply of fresh kittens and calming medication. Luckily, all of them love Christmas t-shirts. This is my salvation from most Christmas anxiety because it saves me for buying intimate gifts for people I just don’t understand. I can buy a colorful nick-knack of a kitten all tangled in Christmas ribbon that plays “All I want For Christmas” and I get blank stares. I put that same cute kitten on a Christmas t-shirt, and they go nuts over it.
If that’s what the ladies like, then that’s what the ladies get. All I have to do is to slowly and steadily acquire Christmas t-shirts from online vendors. I start this project sometime around the end of August. It lets me get all of the shopping I need to do for over half my family finished before Thanksgiving ever arrives. I have more money to spend on the big-ticket items that I have to buy for my closer family because I’ve stretched the buying process out for months instead of just weeks. It really does certify me as a genius, if I can speak honestly here.
I’m pretty certain that if more people did what I do every year, then there would probably be a lot fewer “accidental” fatal falls down the stairs during Christmas. Families can spend the Holidays dealing with much more important stresses, like whispered conversations on who’s getting a divorce and who’s gaining weight. Ah, Christmas…what would our family be without you?
If you are curious about funny Christmas t-shirts, you can visit naughty Christmas t-shirts where you can sample the ordering process.
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