Humor Short Stories and Puns

Who is the infamous Mark Cella?

After being vested by Will Am in a vigorous fencing match, it became clear to me that he was no man to say no to. So I accepted. Of course the 50 cases of lagger that he had delivered to my bungalow didn’t hurt.

Years ago he built a city out of blocks, today over six hundred thousand people live and work there.

On the Two-Party System: The after party is the one you want to attend.

Even his enemies list him as their emergency contact number.

He never says something tastes like chicken, not even chicken.

He’s been known to cure narcolepsy just by walking into a room.

If he were to give you directions, you’d never get lost and you’d arrive at least five minutes early.

His legend precedes him, the way lightning precedes thunder.

He has served as the best man for grooms he’s never met.

He could disarm you with his looks, or his hands, either way.

His to do list could win a Pulitzer.

He once had an awkward moment, just to see how it feels.

See those nuts, they’re there to make us thirsty, while I don’t like being coerced, in this case I shall make an exception.

He lives vicariously through himself. Dicing onions won’t make him cry.

He lives by the motto “safety third.”

His blood smells like cologne. His hands feel like rich brown suede.

In my opinion Mark A Cella is the Greatest, or Most Interesting Man to Have Ever Lived.